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Wednesday, August 17, 2022

Conservatives Want Fauci Arrested for Changing His Views on Masks After Seeing New Data

This week, Buzzfeed and CNN published a trove of Dr. Anthony Fauci’s emails thanks to Freedom of Information Act requests, and while many Americans may not bat an eyelash at what they contain, many who consider themselves politically right-wing are demanding action.

“I want Fauci arrested. Do you hear me?! Arrested,” Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) told reporters today. “Did you read his emails? He changed his mind on masks! How dare he change his mind when he was presented new peer reviewed data on masks? Americans choose a path and go with it, no matter what, and clearly he needs to be arrested and charged with, at a minimum, socialism, but maybe even treason.”

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Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) echoed Greene’s sentiments.

“I just want to echo what the distinguished crackhead from Georgia said this morning on NewsmaxTV,” Cruz told reporters today. “Dr. Anthony Fauci is a danger to society. Anybody who is so squishy in their beliefs that they’ll simply change them when they are presented new facts needs to be taken off the streets and put in solitary confinement.”

Meanwhile, Rep. Louie Gohmert (Q-Stupidfuck) wants to “take things to the maximum level” when punishing Fauci for trusting the scientific method enough to change his views on masks when he felt he should.

“I believe that we need to put things like capital punishment on the table to discourage anyone from changing their mind after they see better data,” Gohmert told OAN. “If they’re gonna harass my golfing buddies just because they stormed the capitol, they can arrest and hang Fauci for changing his mind on masks!”

Congressman Darrell Issa (Q-CA) thinks there may be a much larger, deeper conspiracy at play, and he wants Fauci grilled by Congress before he’s “sent to Gitmo for good.”

“Obviously this email dump proves one thing — we need to know what Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton knew about Benghazi, and we need to know right now,” Issa demanded while doing a talk radio interview this morning. “I can’t say for sure that Benghazi and Fauci are related, but we won’t know until we grill Hillary for at least another fifty hours, under oath.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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