“What we are seeing..is the undeniable living proof…of radical, far-left, Antifa Sponsored Cancel Cultural Transgender Marxism — a very real thing that will very literally make every man, woman, and child in this country die of socialism.” – Senator Ted Cruz (Q-TX)
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-TX) is absolutely livid about the Facebook Oversight Board’s decision to allow former President Donald J. Trump’s permanent suspension from their platform to stay in place, and he’s going on every talk show and cable news program that broadcasts to the MAGA faithful to express that anger.
“What we are seeing here is the undeniable living proof and embodiment of radical, far-left, Antifa Sponsored Cancel Cultural Transgender Marxism — a very real thing that will very literally make every man, woman, and child in this country die of socialism,” Cruz told Sean Hannity on his radio show this afternoon. “If we, as good, clean, honest, ammo hoarding, red meat eating, gun lubing up and fucking, Christian American Patriots cannot force a private company to host whatever content we want them to on their own servers we don’t pay for, do we even live in Free Market Freedom Jesus Land, Sean?”
On OAN, Cruz told noted Pizzagate historian, Bumble strange pussy while your wife is pregnant connoisseur, “Rape Melania” hoaxer, and lead anchor Jack Posobiec that he would support impeaching President Joe Biden because of the oversight board’s decision.
“The thing is, it might be stupid and meaningless political theater doomed to abject failure,” Cruz whined to Posobiec, “but, Jack, my entire career has been stupid and meaningless political theater doomed to abject failure, and the last time I checked, one of the principles of MAGA is sticking to your gall-dang guns and being consistent. So if Marjorie Greene will bring the articles forward, I will support them.”
When Cruz was interviewed by Tucker Carlson, he told the frozen food heir that he would support legislation that forced Facebook’s hand and compelled them legally to give “President Trump and any other klansman he chooses” accounts on their platform.
“As the president, he is entitled to lifetime Secret Service protection, and to a lifetime Facebook account,” Cruz told Tucker. “It’s all very clear. Even the most far-left whackaloon who reads the Constitution would agree with me on this. That’s why I will join the fight to force Facebook to give President Trump and other klansman he chooses free reign over their website.”
The energy that he was expending brought a booger out of Sen. Cruz’s nose. He quickly scooped it into his mouth, using his snake-like tongue. Cruz rolled his eyes back in his head and sighed just slightly as he tasted and swallowed his booger.
“To do anything else is to let communism win,” Cruz told Carlson, licking his lips clean. “Our free market depends on taking over Facebook’s headquarters and seizing their memes of production, Tuck. I just hope the American people are as behind me as I think they truly are on this.”
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.