DeJoy: “What the Fuckin’ Fuck is That Blue Box Lookin’ Fuckin’ Thing?”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — When Postmaster General Louis DeJoy was asked some very basic questions by Congresswoman Katie Porter (D-CA) in a House oversight hearing this week, he was unable to tell her how much the postal service he oversees charges for a sending a postcard, and had difficulty answering other basic questions about the USPS.

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This morning, DeJoy managed to step on another metaphorical rake. This time, he was stopped by a reporter on his way into work, and asked if he wanted to “take another stab” at showing his basic understanding of the vital, constitutionally mandated service that the post office provides. DeJoy enthusiastically agreed.

At first, things seemed to go okay for DeJoy. When he was shown a picture of a stamp, he correctly identified it as a stamp. When shown a picture of a mail carrier, he correctly said it was a “mail carrier.” However, moments after agreeing to another postal service pop quiz, Postmaster General DeJoy might have been having second thoughts, because the reporter showed him a picture of a traditional “blue box” mail receptacle, and he had no earthly clue what it was.

“Oh, that’s a, um, it’s a…it’s,” DeJoy stammered incoherently. “What the fuckin’ fuck is that blue blox lookin’ fuckin’ thing anyway?”

The reporter asked DeJoy if he’d like a hint. Angrily, Dejoy told him he didn’t need any hints. Still, though, Mr. DeJoy struggled mightily.

“Shit! I should know this. I should really, really know this. They told me I wouldn’t have to know shit about the post office to gut it,” DeJoy whined. “Now all of a sudden I’m getting grilled by congress dames and enemies of the people? Fuck outta here with that shit!”

DeJoy’s appointment as Postmaster General was not without controversy. His campaign donations to Trump were no big secret on the Hill, and despite his career in logistics, he didn’t have any postal service-specific experience before being given the job. Within days of starting with the Post Office, Dejoy had put into effect several changes, and those changes have been largely blamed for a nationwide slowdown and reduction in service.

In yesterday’s hearings, not only did DeJoy admit he didn’t know how much it costs to send a postcard, he also refused to roll back the changes already implemented. Mr. DeJoy also seemed unwilling to take any blame for the delays in mail delivery causing medicines to spoil or show up weeks late in some cases.

“Fuck my face! What in the holy shit ass piss fuck hell is that thing,” DeJoy shouted at the top of his lungs. “This is, like, a lot fuckin’ harder than I thought it was gonna be! You know what? You gotta give me some more fuckin’ time, okay? Gimme a week, then come back, and I bet I know what the fuck that fuckin’ blue box fuckin’ thing the fuck is!”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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