The following editorial was written and submitted to us by a Florida resident, who wishes to stay anonymous. The views and opinions expressed herein are those of the author, and not necessarily those of this outlet, its ownership, or staff.
I don’t write this easily. In fact, telling my story is so hard for me, that I have asked to not have my real name attached to what I’m about to tell you. Some things are hard to speak about, no matter how much time and distance you have between yourself and the trauma they cause. But, we are at an inflection point in this country, and I thought someone had to sound the alarm and blow the whistle.
Someone had to make the country aware of just how right Gov. Ron DeSantis is about grooming, and I figure that a former top General in the Soros Transgender Illegal Immigrant Army like myself is probably the best person to do exactly that.
MORE: Matt Gaetz and Roy Moore Are Opening a Grooming Business That Won’t Cater to Pets
Granted, I was born in America, and have birthright citizenship. I am also now, and have always identified as a cisgender male. However, for years I was also one of the most influential and powerful figures in the army that George Soros personally cultivated and trained to take America down from within, which all started in public school.
I went to high school in Lake St. Diarrhea, Florida. It’s a town just a few miles south of Disney World. I can’t say for certain, but I feel like there’s a chance Mickey Mouse himself greased a few palms in my school district, because in high school I was offered a class that, in retrospect, I wish I never would have taken.
But I took it, and my grade in Transgender Illegal Immigrant Army Training and Recruitment was one of the highest I ever got in any subject, which would have been a big red flag if knew then what I know now.
I can see it now, my teacher, Mr. Soros, would stand at the front of the class and just shout, “GROOM GROOM GROOM! TRANSGENDER! MEXICO! SOCIALISM!” at us for the entire class. He’d send us home with notes encouraging us to tell our parents that we hate America, and hope for its demise. And each note ended with “GROOM GROOM GROOM! TRANSGENDER! MEXICO! SOCIALISM!”
The messaging was not subtle, but it clearly worked.
To be honest, I’m not exactly what sure what happened, or what I did for about a six year stretch while I was in the Soros Transgender Illegal Immigrant Army. I just remember waking up one morning in a hospital, and my parents told me that after months in a medically-induced coma, I’d been deprogrammed successfully using nothing but the power of prayer and monthly donations to Joel Osteen’s televangelist ministry.
They told me that I’d conducted all sorts of missions on behalf of Mr. Soros. They told me I was one of the sixteen trillion illegal Mexicans Trump personally saw vote for Barack Obama in 2012. They told me I was one of twelve thousand Antifa soldiers who stormed the capitol on January 6th to make it look like it was actually pro-MAGa people doing it. They told me that while under the spell of the Soros Transgender Illegal Immigrant Army, I did all kinds of things, but that now, I was safely out, and they’d keep me that way.
I can see now, looking back, how it all started in public school. So, the painful truth for some to admit is that Gov. DeSantis is right. As hard as that is to confront, we must. Because we will never Make America Great Again Again if we don’t.
MORE: Disney’s Next Animated Film Will Feature Villain Obsessed With Genitals Named “Ron DeFlorida”
|Become a Patron!|
Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.