LAGO MIERDO, FLORIDA — Donald Trump Jr told OAN in an interview this week that he’s fielding just as many calls from the current president as he is from the last guy to be president these days.
“You know, the thing is that I would have thought I’d get a lot more calls from one of them at least, now that he’s not president any longer,” Trump Jr. admitted. “That hasn’t really happened, yet, but I’m still hopeful. He told me right before he left office that I’m still his fifth favorite kid the second smartest Donald Trump he knows, so that bodes well.”
The current president, Joe Biden, is contacting Trump Jr. with the same frequency as the former president, his father.
“Yeah, Sleepy Joe’s only called me the one time by accident, because my coke dealer was still on the White House speed dial, and my coke dealer forwarded Joe’s call to me,” Trump Jr. said, “which was really ironic considering my dad only called me the one time to see if I had any blow. Circle of life shit, eh?”
Trump Jr also gave the OAN host an update on his lifelong battle with a chronic illness.
“Honestly since daddy left the White House, I’ve been mostly focusing on myself, and on my health,” Trump Jr. announced. “The doctors are telling me my Chronic Jizz Face may clear up soon, and if not they said they can try just repeatedly punching me in the face until my it un-sticks. They seemed really, really excited about that possibility, and that made me excited to try it!”
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.