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Thursday, September 28, 2023

Elon Musk Named TIME’s ‘Arrogant, Wealthy, Fuckface Dilettante Sociopath of the Year’

Today, TIME Magazine announced that billionaire Elon Musk would join a list of winners that includes Adolf Hitler, as he was named their “Person of the Year.” But before reactions to that announcement had all come in, TIME announced that they created a second award this year, and Musk is its inaugural recipient.

Below is a written statement that accompanied the announcement of Musk’s second award.

“This year, we are also pleased to announce that Elon Musk is the winner of our first-ever Arrogant, Wealthy, Fuckface Dilettante Sociopath of the Year. TIME’s editorial board felt that Mr. Musk’s contributions to human existence couldn’t be fully appreciated unless we gave him this brand new award, and dedicate a few paragraphs of print and web space to the reasons why he so richly deserves it.

It takes a real, elite billionaire sociopath to taunt and troll a non-profit organization whose only mission is feeding the hungry. That’s exactly what Musk did when he promised he’d hand over billions of dollars to a U.N. charity, but only if they could guarantee that it would end world hunger. That alone might have been enough to become the first Arrogant, Wealthy, Fuckface Dilettante Sociopath of the Year, but we, the editorial board, felt that what really put Mr. Musk over the top was his newfound love of alleged satire outlet and confirmed purveyor of Christofascist content, The Babylon Bee.

Research indicates that only true sociopath asshole bullies like what The Babylon Bee publishes, and once Musk started his public love affair with that outlet, he joined the ranks of sociopath assholes who, in fact, love The Babylon Bee. We’re quite positive that his blood diamond hocking ass has probably done even more to deserve this award, but, really, being a fan of The Babylon Bee is more than enough, and may freeze out his competition in future years.”

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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