Tuesday, August 3, 2021

Fauci: “I Don’t Show Up Where Rand Paul Works and Tell Him How to Suck Trump’s Dong”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — There is little to no love lost between Sen. Rand Paul (Q-KY) and Dr. Anthony Fauci, of that everyone can be quite certain. Since last year, Paul has become increasingly more hostile, snide, and combative with Fauci during Senate hearings on the government’s response to the COVID-19 pandemic. Paul, a staunch ally of former President Donald Trump, has repeatedly attempted to cast doubt on Fauci’s medical opinions and expertise.

While both men are trained doctors, only one, Sen. Paul, was medically certified as a doctor by a board he created himself. Notably, Paul is also an ophthalmologist, while Fauci is one of the world’s foremost experts in the field of infectious diseases. Some felt at the outset of the outbreak that Fauci’s experience with diseases would give him a leg up in dealing with Republicans, however, Paul’s increasingly negative attitude toward him seems to have thrown cold water on that notion.


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Fauci has, for the most part, endeavored to stay above the fray and not get into verbal altercations with Paul. However a new interview with CBSNBCNN News may only serve to rile up the Kentucky Republican even more.

“The senator is, I’m sure, at least a mediocre doctor. I mean, we all know that the experts you can trust the most are the ones who have to hire people to tell them they’re qualified,” Fauci said with a laugh. “I just wish he’d let me do my job, and I’d let him do his job, that’s all.”

Dr. Fauci said it’s “impossible not to pick up on” the hostility and animus directed his way by Paul and other Republicans.

“Maybe Senator Paul is jealous that people trust me for medical advice while they trust him for advice on how to have shitty hair and get your ass kicked by your neighbor for being such a douchebag,” Fauci supposed. “I can’t really speculate on that. I just know I don’t treat him like he treats me.”

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Fauci then offered up an analogy that’s almost certain to ruffle Paul’s curly, Brill-o pad looking feathers.

“I don’t show up where Rand Paul works and tell him how to suck’s Trump’s dong,” Fauci said with certainty in his voice. “I let him do his job the way he knows how to do it. I don’t personally get why he’s still mouthing off a guy who’s not in power anymore, but Rand’s gotta do Rand. I’ll do me. And hopefully everything comes out in the wash.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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