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Wednesday, December 8, 2021

Gohmert Asks If Earth’s Orbit Can Be Changed If He Gets Out and Pushes

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Over the course of his congressional career, Rep. Louie Gohmert (Q-TX) has been no stranger to his antics going viral. This week, yet another clip of the Texas Republican has been blowing up, this time because he asked a member of the U.S. Forestry Department if it was possible for either the Earth’s or the moon’s orbit to be altered in order to fight climate change.

While many laughed off Gohmert’s inquiry, he himself does not seem ready to let go of this hypothesis. During a press conference this morning, Gohmert once more asked the question. Then he went further and said that he believes if Donald Trump were still president, Space Force would have already managed to alter the planet’s orbital path. However, Gohmert also asked yet another interesting hypothetical.

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“Look, I happen to think that if Joe Biden wasn’t in office, forcing everyone to get gay married to abortion doctors and making us take an oath to Cancel Culture,” Gohmert began, “that Donald Trump would’ve gotten it done. But fine, okay. Biden is president until August. So let me ask you this — what if I got out and pushed? Would that help move the Earth’s orbit enough to end climate change?”

Gohmert proposed sending a space shuttle into orbit, and at that point he would put on a space suit, get out of the space craft, and attempt to “nudge or bump” the planet’s orbit. Rep. Gohmert admitted he’s not a scientist, or “even someone who can spell the word ‘science’ most days,” but that he still thinks his idea should be “given its due merit.” He plans to take this proposal right to President Biden.

“I may not have a good working relationship with President Biden, but literally everyone I’ve ever met has told me they’d like me better if I was strapped to a rocket and hurtled into space, far away from them,” Gohmert shrugged. “I’m just a simple country boy, but it sounds to me like that means we should try the Gohmert Planet Pushing Proposition, and I know every patriot in this great country would agree!”

A snap poll shows that 82% of Americans would be just fine with Gohmert trying to push the planet out of its orbit. A GoFundMe has already been started to crowdfund the resources to shoot him into space.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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