Tuesday, September 21, 2021

Ivanka: “I Know for a Fact Daddy Could Pull-Out Better”

LAKE DAUGHTERLUST, FLORIDA — All across pro-MAGA media, President Joe Biden is getting hammered for how the military has handled the planned withdrawal of its forces from Afghanistan.

In just a few short days, Taliban fighters have recaptured massive swaths of the country American forces spent the better part of two decades occupying. Though public support for the war effort there has been quite low for many years, and many experts had predicted over a decade ago that a similar scenario would very likely play out the instant U.S. troops left Afghanistan, far-right pundits and politicians have lambasted Biden for the chaos, violence, and tragedy that has been recorded and broadcast worldwide.


- Advertisement -

Today, the former First Lady of the United States joined the fray, and attacked Biden while also complimenting her lover and implying he would do a far better job orchestrating the end of America’s longest-running and most expensive military endeavor, ever.

“Well, like, President Daddy would nail this part, I just know it. I know it deep inside me,” Ivanka Trump said while doing an interview on NewsMaxTV, “Well, okay, as deeply as a couple of inches could get inside me. The point is, I know for a fact Daddy could pull-out better. When it comes to pulling out, I’ve never personally witnessed anyone do it better, and more cleanly than President Daddy pulls-out!”

The former, one-term, twice permanently impeached president issued his own statement following his First Lady’s appearance, praising her for her “intellect, insight, and super sweet dumper.”

“I mean, have you ever seen a finer turd cutter, and I mean on any bitch you meet,” Trump asked rhetorically. “She’s of course right about how well I pull out, but I can’t get over how fuckin’ sweet her dumper is, fam! CHECK OUT MY DAUGHTER’S SUPER-FINE ASS, Y’ALL!”


Become a Patron!
- Advertisement -

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.


Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

Don't Miss

Fauci Asks Rand Paul When He Self-Certified as a Virologist

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- There is no love lost between Dr. Anthony Fauci and Senator "Dr." Rand Paul (Q-KY), and there is really no denying...

Delta Variant Makes Major Ad Buy on Fox News, OAN, and...

The COVID-19 delta variant is wreaking havoc all over the country, and in fact the world. Unvaccinated swaths of the populace are a breeding...

AZ GOP Will Have the Tooth Fairy Hand Deliver Election Fraud...

FREEDICKS, ARIZONA -- The Arizona Republican Party's alleged audit of the 2020 election isn't complete yet, but that hasn't stopped them from parading the...

Latest Posts

Stay in touch

To be updated with all the latest news, offers and special announcements.