WASHINGTON. D.C. — Pretty Much First Lady Ivanka Trump reportedly had a series of classy, elegant boudoir photos taken as a gift for Father’s Day, and reportedly she is very excited to give them to who she had them taken for.
“The Other Mrs. Trump is extremely pleased with how these photos came out, because they are certainly sexy, but they are also very classy and extremely elegant,” an unnamed source in the Trump administration said in an email blast this morning. “Like, bigly elegant and muchly class, folks. Trust me, I know classy.”
The photos were taken by a photographer friend of senior policy adviser Stephen Miller, the White House says.
“Stephen’s friend was ecstatic to make the leap from documenting klan rallies, Trump rallies, and klan rallies that turn into Trump rallies to presidential family portraits,” Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders confirmed while wiping the dripping nacho cheese from her face. “And we’ve all seen the photos; they’re quite something to be seen.”
Ivanka plans to give the boudoir photos to their recipient tomorrow morning, sources say.
“It’s going to be tricky to fit into the morning routine,” Sanders told reporters. “Because mornings are always crazy for this administration. However, Ivanka understands this gift means so much to who is receiving it, especially with the stress and pressures of certain witch hunts mounting, that she’s determined to give this gift tomorrow morning, come hell or high water.”
Reached for comment, Jared Kushner, Ivanka’s technical husband, said he knew nothing of the photos, or of any plans to give Father’s Day gifts tomorrow morning.
“Um, what? No, no one invited me. No one ever invites me to things except back channel, collusive meetings,” Kushner said. “So, beats me, I dunno.”
This will be President Trump’s second Father’s Day in office, though every day since January 20th, 2017 has also been Motherfucker’s Day.
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.