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Wednesday, December 8, 2021

Kyrsten Sinema Fondly Remembers Duping Arizona Voters Into Believing She’s a Democrat

WASHINGTON, D.C. — When Kyrsten Sinema was chosen by Arizona voters to replace the late Sen. John McCain (R), part of what made the story so unbelievable was that she is a Democrat. McCain, who held the seat for decades, was a dyed in the wool Republican, and represented the fairly reliably red state as such.

Sinema, however, is a Democrat, and her election was seen as a bellwether. Changing demographics and generational shifts in attitudes and culture have been edging Arizona into the purple, if not blue range. The election of fellow Democrat Mark Kelly, a former and highly decorated and respected astronaut, only seemed to further solidify that idea in the minds of many.

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However, as it turns out, Sinema may not be a Democrat after all. Since taking office, Sinema has loudly and performatively stood in the way of nearly every agenda item of the progressive wing of her party — which she used to claim to be a part of. Sen. Sinema has become a road block to President Joe Biden’s massive new infrastructure plan, as well as passing the Jon Lewis Voting Rights Act, both of which Democrats see as absolutely vital for the continued peace and stability of the country.

When asked in the Senate cafeteria late last week why she’s stymieing her own party’s accomplishments, Sinema reportedly giggled, gave a curtsy and a thumbs-down, and then answered.

“Which party is mine, exactly? Not the Democrats right,” Sinema giggled profusely. “Okay, I have to go run a marathon now, byeeeeee!”

Recently, Sinema sat down with Lying Asshole Politicians Weekly and reflected on the moment she knew that she had successfully hoodwinked Arizona voters into believing she was a Democrat.

“Oh wow, yeah, that was a truly special time in my life. To be honest, though, I wasn’t really sure that my long con had worked until election night,” Sinema said with her trademark giggle while tossing her rainbow colored hair back. “It just felt so good beating the Republican incumbent, not because I want the GOP to fail, of course, but because I knew those mark ass busters had fallen for my shit. BOO YA, SINEMA WINS!”

Sinema acknowledged that her recalcitrance and refusal to help pass the agenda voters put her in office to support, that she might not be able to continue her ruse for much longer. She has a plan for that, though.

“I’ll just register as a Republican,” Sinema said, adding, “Da-doyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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