BEDFORD FORREST, MISSISSIPPI — Jeremiah “Two-Tooth” Jackson, a 66 year old member of the klan residing in a small Mississippi town, wrote a letter to his paper’s editor this weekend, excoriating American liberals for what he says is an “unfair attack on our pure, white Messiah,” President Donald Trump.
“Since when did good, clean, ammo hoarding, God fearing, white American patriots start caring about the feelings of people with brown skin,” Two-Tooth wrote angrily. “What kind of country are we living in when an old white man can’t angrily shout at brown people to go back where they came from without being called racist? Did the libtards in this country not get the memo? Racism is over, because we got rid of slavery and we elected Barack HUSSEIN Obama! Therefore, logically, racism simply doesn’t exist, fam.”
Two-Tooth was writing to defend President Trump from withering criticism over a series of tweets he sent on Sunday. In the tweets, Trump lashed out at four freshman congresswomen, all Democrats, and all of them people of color. Three of the four women Trump told to go back to their home countries are actually Americans born in America. Jackson dismisses claims that Trump’s tweets show a nakedly aggressive racism toward people simply because of their skin color.
“Um, no, he wasn’t being racist. He was just viciously attacking them because they’re Democrats. It ain’t racist if A) a white president says it and B) if we say it ain’t racist,” Jackson wrote. “Since when is something racist just because you’re targeting brown skinned people and telling them to leave your country because you assume they’re not good people?”
Mr. Jackson wrote that because “everyone knows libtards are from another planet,” Trump cannot be accused of racism.
“He prolly meant for them to go back to Libtardia or wherever planet those libtarded libtards come from,” Jackson insisted, “so, hair-go, not racist.”
Jeremiah defended Trump’s tweets on the grounds that they “displayed true traditional, American values.”
“What’s more American, really, than a rich white man dumping on people of color and implying they’re not really American anyway,” Jeremiah asked. “Exactly. Nothing is more American than outright, proud racism. So, to me, if you’re criticising Trump for this, you’re criticising America, which we all know ain’t allowed. It’s not like you got some constellational right to say what you want!”
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because they have a definition of hate speech that includes “calling Ann Coulter the C-word.”