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Thursday, September 28, 2023

Local Mouth Breather Thinks Egypt Should Implement Trump’s Muslim Ban After Mosque Attack

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE — Right-wing blogger and podcaster Jethro Bohiggins told his audience today that he is more certain than ever that President Donald Trump’s Muslim Ban is exactly what the United States needs to be safe, but he also told his listeners other countries should adopt a Muslim ban of their own. In light of the horrific terror attack on a mosque in the country that left hundreds dead, Jethro says Egypt may want to consider “giving Stephen Miller a buzz” and enlisting his help in drafting their own Muslim ban.

“Clearly what the cucks don’t want us to see is that Muslim bans work,” Bohiggins said. “Think about it, if there had been a Muslim ban in Egypt for the last few thousand years, there weren’t been no mosque to attack, and therefore? That’s right. No terror attack. Bingo. Bango. Bongo, fam.”

Jethro says that despite Egypt being a Muslim majority country, its government should still consider adopting a Muslim ban “before someone 9/11s or Benghazis them.”

“Look, we all know that the only way to truly stop terrorism is a Second Amendment. You notice how few terror attacks happen in America right now,” Bohiggins asked rhetorically. “Very few. Sure, it helps that we get to classify things like mass shootings as something other than an act of terror, but since Egypt doesn’t want to arm its citizens to their teeth for some cuckardly reason, I’m sure, the next best thing would be a Muslim ban!”

Should the Egyptian government not take Jethro’s suggestion of implementing a Muslim ban, he says they can still “embrace Trump and save their country.”

“Build a border wall if you don’t have the balls to put a Muslim ban in place,” Jethro said. “We all know that short of a Second Amendment and a Muslim ban, literally the only way to stop terrorism is to build a giant wall. Just Israel. They never have any terror attacks anymore. Right?”

You can hear Jethro’s podcast, Slack Jawed and Right, on iTones, Podsterized and also just be hanging out close enough to his double-wide when he gets to drinkin’ and-a-recordin’.

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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