Tuesday, September 21, 2021

McEnany Reportedly in Talks to Join New Administration

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The chips have all fallen into place, and whether he wants to admit it or not, President Donald Trump is now, officially, a one-term, lame duck president. Yesterday, the Electoral College — which Trump could not stop boasting about winning four years ago — certified results in all 50 states, and when the votes were cast, former Vice President Joe Biden got 306 to Trump’s 232. In a bit of an ironic twist, Trump would have gotten 306 in 2016, however faithless electors switched away from him, and he ended up losing three Electoral College votes that day, and now Biden has even outpaced even Trump’s highly-publicized total.

When Trump leaves office in January, it will mark the 46th time that power has transferred between executive administrations, and it means that a whole lot of Trump officials will be looking for new employment. White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany, however, will not be among those hitting the unemployment line. She’s already begun negotiations to transition to a new administration as well.

MORE: Trump Demands Electoral College Make Joe Biden Repeat His Senior Year

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“I am very pleased to announce that I am almost finished negotiating my employment and benefits package with the high and mighty Kim Jong-un of North Korea,” McEnany announced today in front of the White House. “Dear President Trump and His Most Excellent Leader Kim Jong-un developed such a strong bond that I got to watch over my time here, and it inspired me reach out to the North Korean government and asked them if my particular skill set is of any use to them.”

Apparently, Kim Jong-un personally approved McEnany’s job application.

“I’m told that Dear Leader was particularly impressed with how I’m able to spew five minutes of lies in one one breath under thirty seconds,” McEnany divulged. “I always knew that working so hard on being able to bullshit with a straight face and performative faux-outrage would payoff down the line somewhere. Boy did it.”

The North Korean Government also issued its own statement, announcing the personnel move and congratulating McEnany for “hopping from one dictatorial gravy train to the next.”

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“It shows enormous WISDOM AND COURAGE to recognize the power and genius of working for liars, bullies, morons, and moronic liar bullies,” the North Korean statement says, “and clearly Ms. McEnany is the wisest and most courageous propagandist cultist this world has ever seen, and her skills will come in quite handy while working for His Eminence the Leader.”

ALSO: Supreme Court Decides: ‘Fuck Trump’s Feelings’

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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