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Thursday, September 28, 2023

Op-Ed: Ted Cruz Encouraged Me to Storm the Capitol and Now He’s Calling Me a Violent Terrorist

The following editorial was written by William Bobilly, a 47 year old out of work, non-union electrician. Mr. Bobilly is currently in a maximum security federal prison, awaiting trial on charges stemming from his participation in the January 6th, 2021 failed coup attempt on behalf of former President Donald J. Trump. The views and opinions expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of this outlet, its management, or ownership.

Back in December of 2020, I attended a rally in Georgia. You know who else was there, and even gave a big ol’ speech to all of us? None other than Senator Ted Cruz of Texas.

I have to say that at first, I didn’t like Ted. But when I saw him genuflect and kiss the ring of the man who called his wife ugly, in public, I knew that Cruz was the right sort of sycophantic Yes Man this country would need, Ted clearly got that his role was to help Don Trump usher in an era where we return to the good, clean, ammo hoarding, melanin-free, Christian theocratic nation we know the founders demanded we be.

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Ted was in rare form that day.

I found a transcript from NPR (sorry for the commie link, but it’s what I could find). He outright accused Democrats of stealing the election, and he even said they were gonna try to steal the runoff election for one of Georgia’s Senate seats. He was really making it seem like we had to do everything we could to stop the steal, and most importantly, he was validating everything our dear, sweet, daughter-lusting, tiny-handed commander in chief was telling us about Democrats stealing the election.

“Are they going to try to steal? Yes, but I’ll tell you what we’re going to do. We’re going to win by a big enough margin. Ain’t nobody stealing the state of Georgia,” Cruz yelled at us!

Cruz even told us he didn’t want the Electoral College votes counted a few weeks later. I have to say, when I arrived in D.C. the night before our glorious coup attempt, I did so believing that Senator Cruz desperately WANTED me to sack the capitol and hang Mike Pence. Why else would he keep telling us, over and over again, that the election was stolen and we were in danger as a country?

So you can imagine my shock and disgust when my cellmate told me that yesterday Ted was in a hearing and he called me “violent terrorist.”

“We are approaching a solemn anniversary this week, and it is an anniversary of a violent terrorist attack on the Capitol,” I read that Teddy said in the hearing, “where we saw the men and women of law enforcement demonstrate incredible courage, incredible bravery, risk their lives to defend the men and women who served in this Capitol.”

All I can say, after reading everything Ted said yesterday is, quite simply…


Pick a lane, you cuck! I can’t believe you, Ted Cruz, would fire me up, get me all willing to commit treason, and then you’d throw me under the bus! How could Ted Cruz be so disingenuous?!

With co-conspirators like Ted Cruz, who needs a Deep State, anyway?

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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