MADISON, WISCONSIN — As pumpkins are carved, lanterns are lit and children showed videos of screaming dental patients in an attempt to get them to eat less candy today, residents of the mid western state of Wisconsin are being asked to remain respectful as they choose their costume for this year’s event.
In year’s past, criticism has been attracted by those choosing to dress up in sensitive costumes such as disgraced comedian Bill Cosby. This year however, Republicans in the state are making an effort to remind citizens not to dress up as skeletons as this may offend House Speaker Paul Ryan who is still suffering from the rare condition of living without one.
When asked why this message was being made during an announcement in the state’s capital of Madison, and not within the nearby Wisconsin first congressional district, the district that Ryan represents, a speaker for the Wisconsin Republican party said, “There’s no specific reason for the location of this announcement today, and it certainly has absolutely nothing to do with Mr. Ryan being too scared to visit his own district in case a constituent asks him a valid question.”
Unprompted, the representative then added, “And Mr. Ryan is almost certainly not definitely hiding in a locked office somewhere in our regional headquarters where he will stay for the remainder of Halloween because the idea of kids being given candy and being happy terrifies him more than anything else.”
Speaker Ryan could not be reached for comment.
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