WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sen. Minority Leader Joe Manchin (D?-WV) has quite an unenviable job, and according to anonymous sources on his staff, he’s keenly aware of the fact that he brought a lot of his stress on himself. In recent weeks, the West Virginia native has taken it upon himself to put the brakes on Senate Dems’ plans to pass the For the People Act — a sweeping new set of federal election reforms — in order to foster a bipartisan deal.
With his own party.
“When he agreed to accept McConnell’s offer and take over as the Minority Leader,” ones source told us, “it was because he figured it wouldn’t be that hard. He was already obstructing the Democrats’ agenda, and so he figured a formal title wouldn’t change the dynamics, but he’s realizing he may have been wrong about that.”
Part of the problem, another source told us, is that Manchin has so much wealth as a private citizen that he’s a “bit out of touch” with what average Americans need.
“I don’t think Sen. Manchin quite understood how important a functioning democracy is to the American people. He thought they just liked hamburgers, hot dogs, and guns,” that source said. “So when he came out and said he was going to vote against the For the People Act no matter what, you could say he was a little taken aback by how angrily people in his own party reacted to that news.”
Still another one of Manchin’s staffers thinks there’s another issue exacerbating the stress Manchin is feeling these days.
“It doesn’t help matters, probably, that he’s also equally intelligent as a box of West Virginia coal,” the third source explained. “Only someone who is a complete idiot would think that today’s Republicans would ever, ever negotiate in good faith. Only a simpleton douchebag moron fuckface would try to force his own party to negotiate with hostage taking terrorists. And, well, Joe Manchin is trying to force his own party to negotiate with hostage taking terrorists, so what does that tell you?”
Sen. Manchin’s office said they’d provide a comment on this story once McConnell gave them permission to do so.
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.