Tuesday, September 21, 2021

Disney Sues to Shut Down Production and Sale of “Baby Dildoda”

ANASLIME, CALIFORNIA — The Walt Disney Company filed paperwork in court today seeking an injunction against an adult toy manufacturer that would force them to “immediately and permanently cease all production and/or sales” of a product they say infringes on their copyright.

“The Baby Dildoda, while a hilarious pun, truly a hilarious pun worthy of being enshrined in the National Joke Hall of Fame,” Disney claims in its filing, “the simple fact is that Joy-Sticks Incorporated’s Bably Dildoda directly and unequivocally violates the Walt Disney Company’s copyright. We request that court order Joy-Sticks to immediately and permanently  cease all production and/or sales of the Baby Dildoda model dildo.”

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Released just before Christmastime last year, the Baby Dildoda is a simple green dildo with two triangular handles attached toward its “head.” The base of the Baby Dildoda is wrapped in brown cloth. Joy-Sticks, the adult toy company at the heart of the suit, filed a response brief in which they do not deny that The Baby Dildoda was designed and rushed onto the market in order to “capitalize on the worldwide buzz-buzz-buzzing” for “Baby Yoda,” a character on Disney’s hot new show, The Mandalorian. The character was such a big surprise for audiences that show co-creator Jon Favreau convinced Disney not to produce any toys or merchandise for it before the show could debut his or her appearance.

“Joy-Sticks does not in any way contend that our Baby Dildoda model dildo exists without reference to Disney’s character, Baby Yoda,” Joy-Sticks wrote in their brief. “We’d hoped that it would be viewed simply as an homage, however, and not a malicious or nefarious attempt to steal someone else’s intellectual property. We simply thought that there must people out in the world who are Star Wars fans that also wanted to help themselves get off using one of our dildos that happens to make direct reference to one of the most popular characters in the franchise.”

The Baby Dildoda is available online from Joy-Sticks’ website and can be found at certain select retailers. Each unit sells for $69.69 apiece. Joy-Sticks has been asked to provide an accounting of how many Baby Dildodas they’ve sold to date, but as of yet has not furnished those numbers to the courts. 

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“Look, we love a good joke as much as the next multinational omnipotent conglomerate,” Ken Benobi, North American Legal and Media Liaison for Disney told reporters outside the courtroom today. “But we have a brand to protect. We have intellectual property that brings in revenue streams that we have a duty to jealously guard against theft. For those reasons, we simply must ask this otherwise fine company to cease and desist production of their Baby Dildoda line of dildos and vibrators.”

A spokesperson for Joy-Sticks told reporters the company isn’t interested in a long, expensive legal battle and will likely cave to Disney’s demands.

“Life’s simply too short for us to fight with Disney on one single product line,” Gina Buzzington, Joy-Sticks’ spokesperson told the media. “Besides, we still have the Hammer of Whore, the Black Wid-do, and Spiderman’s Buttplug under litigation with Disney, and we’re trying not to bite off more than we can chew.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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