Friday, March 5, 2021

Colin Kaepernick

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Lahren: NASA Should Rename Black Holes Because ‘All Holes Matter’

VAPID VALLEY, TEXAS -- Conservative right-wing firebrand commentator and Fox News contributor Tributary Lahren told a radio host today that she was about to...

Tendinitis Lahren Starting Her Own Shoe Company

CHICA RUBIA CHINGADERA, CALIFORNIA -- When Nike announced that, after being advised by former NFL starting quarterback Colin Kaepernick that white nationalist groups had...

Local MAGA Boy: Nike Should ‘Make It Up To’ Trump Supporters and Put Flaming T’s On Their Shoes

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Right-wing podcaster and country music singer/songwriter Jethro Bohiggins has already taken all his Nike shoes and burned them, he...

T-Bone Lahren Wants President of Carolinas To Forbid Sale Of Panthers To P-Diddy

SIN CEREBRO, TEXAS -- Timpani Lahren, the feisty blonde conservative commentator and Fox News screeching racist magpie, went on a verbal rampage during a...

Trump Suspends First Amendment For “Disrespectful Urbans Who Play Pro Sports”

"Nowhere in the Constitution does it say that urbans are allowed to make white people think."

Trump Thinks Black Athletes ‘Pose a Bigger Threat to American Security Than Nazis’

"Certain members of my base are really off-put by what black people do in general."

Papa John’s Briefly Considered Switching to “Less Diarrhea-tastic” Recipe Before Blaming Uppity Blacks for Flagging Sales

"We realized it was actually uppity black people peacefully protesting that was making our pizza taste like shit."

Trump Demands Congress Strip NFL and Its Players of First Amendment Rights

"That arcane constitution really should be reviewed."
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