Monday, March 8, 2021

gun control

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Obama Asks Biden How Many Guns He’s Taken So Far

SECRET SHARIA BUNKER, KENYA -- Former President Barack Hussein Obama (D-Socialism) told his former Vice President that he "needs an urgent status update" on...

Data Suggests Virginia Rally Largest Gathering of Small Genitals Since Last Trump Family Reunion

Today, thousands of people amassed in Virginia to protest new laws passed by the state legislature. The Constitution guarantees the right to peaceably assemble...

WalMart Assures Americans They Can Still Make Love To Their Guns In Store Parking Lots

BENTONVILLE, ARKANSAS -- This week, WalMart's CEO shocked America when it announced it was ceasing sales of handgun ammunition and would no longer allow...

Jesus Christ Reminds Americans Thoughts and Prayers Aren’t Made of Kevlar

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- This morning, the Executive Vice-President of Holy Trinity Inc. held a press conference and addressedm among other things, mass...

Local Man Loses Track Of Which Mass Shooting It’d Be Inappropriate To Talk About Gun Control After

"Was it the one yesterday, or earlier this week...last month? Shit. I can't remember."

El Paso Shooting Victim Asked If She Could Be Shot Instead of Getting a Presidential Visit

EL PASO, TX -- An victim of the deadly mass shooting in El Paso, Texas last week was being visited by the president when...

Call of Duty Designer Apologizes for Inspiring World War II

A man who worked on the design of one of the original "Call of Duty" video game has issued a statement apologizing for his...

Man Blames Violent RPGs For Inspiring Him To Attack School Full Of Young Wizards

LONDON, ENGLAND -- Authorities with the Ministry of Magic are confirming at this hour that a man has been apprehended while attempting to attack...

America Salutes Its Constitution With Back to Back Mass Second Amendment Celebrations in El Paso and Dayton

In two separate cities on back to back days, America honored its most sacred of Constitutional rights this weekend, and reports are that both...

NRA Spokesman: “A Few Dozen Dead School Kids Is A Literally Small Price To Pay For Freedom” (VIDEO)

FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA -- This week, the National Rifle Association released a video with its Junior Deputy Media Liaison addressing school shootings in which he...
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