Monday, March 8, 2021

Guns

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Obama Asks Biden How Many Guns He’s Taken So Far

SECRET SHARIA BUNKER, KENYA -- Former President Barack Hussein Obama (D-Socialism) told his former Vice President that he "needs an urgent status update" on...

NRA Files Chapter 11 Moral Bankruptcy

FLINTLOCK, NEW YORK -- The National Rifle Association filed for Chapter 11 Moral Bankruptcy in federal court last week. In doing so, the NRA...

Obama Gives Biden Access Codes for FEMA Camps and Stockpile of Confiscated Guns

SECRET SHARIA DUNGEON, THE LITERAL HELL -- During their weekly ritualistic sacrifice of a pale-skinned virgin, former President Barack Hussein Obama (D-Kenya) gave his...

Wayne LaPierre: Obama Confiscated So Many Guns Americans Were Left Defenseless Against Coronavirus

FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA -- NRA CEO and Executive Vice-President Wayne LaPierre told various gun manufacturers on a conference call this morning that he blames former...

Data Suggests Virginia Rally Largest Gathering of Small Genitals Since Last Trump Family Reunion

Today, thousands of people amassed in Virginia to protest new laws passed by the state legislature. The Constitution guarantees the right to peaceably assemble...

WalMart Assures Americans They Can Still Make Love To Their Guns In Store Parking Lots

BENTONVILLE, ARKANSAS -- This week, WalMart's CEO shocked America when it announced it was ceasing sales of handgun ammunition and would no longer allow...

Jesus Christ Reminds Americans Thoughts and Prayers Aren’t Made of Kevlar

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- This morning, the Executive Vice-President of Holy Trinity Inc. held a press conference and addressedm among other things, mass...

Local Man Loses Track Of Which Mass Shooting It’d Be Inappropriate To Talk About Gun Control After

"Was it the one yesterday, or earlier this week...last month? Shit. I can't remember."

El Paso Shooting Victim Asked If She Could Be Shot Instead of Getting a Presidential Visit

EL PASO, TX -- An victim of the deadly mass shooting in El Paso, Texas last week was being visited by the president when...

Call of Duty Designer Apologizes for Inspiring World War II

A man who worked on the design of one of the original "Call of Duty" video game has issued a statement apologizing for his...
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