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Wednesday, December 8, 2021

Trump’s Already Got His 2024 Slogan

LAKE MORON, FLORIDA — Though he won’t need to make a decision about running for president again for another year or so, should former, one term, twice forever impeached President Donald J. Trump decide to throw his hat into the ring, he’s already got his campaign slogan picked out.

This morning, several pro-MAGA politicians and pundits tweeted an image that’s reportedly part of a package being sent to potential campaign donors on behalf of Trump. The image contains the slogan that Trump wants to use for his third presidential run. The slogan? “Lose the Poplar Vote Again. Again.”

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“What a glorious slogan! I truly hope this great man, who had the courage to call my disgusting wife Heidi’s ugliness what it was before anyone else,” Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) tweeted, “uses this slogan! Quite frankly, everything this man does is amazing, but this might be the most amazingest thing he’s ever done!”

Freshman Congresshorse Marjorie Taylor Greene called the slogan a “brilliant reminder of how Republicans win.”

“We are deeply unpopular, but only among Americans, not REAL Americans. And by real I mean, of course, those without pigment or melanin,” Greene explained to Steve Bannon during an appearance on his podcast. “So that’s why since the first Bush, we’ve only won the popular vote one time. That’s once in 30 years, fam! We love the Electoral College, and Trump’s new slogan’s gonna remind everyone of that fact!”

In 2016, Trump became the second Republican president since 2000 to not get more votes than his opponent and still win the White House, securing the Electoral College votes he needed. Last year, Trump lost the popular vote by nearly 5 million, however he also fell short of the 270 votes he would have needed to win the Electoral College and a second term. Despite claiming the election was stolen from him, Trump has not been able to provide any evidence, and in more than five dozen court cases, he and his surrogates haven’t won a significant victory on that front.

Apparently, Trump has one more idea for a slogan as well.

“If that slogan doesn’t cut the mustard,” Trump spokesperson Jason Miller said on OANN this morning, “we’re looking at maybe ‘Make Trump Impeached Again. Again.’ As morons, we’re always looking for dumb ideas.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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