Friday, March 5, 2021
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President…Donald…Trump…Has Totally…and Completely…Beaten…the Coronavirus

WASHINGTON, D.C. — One thing is…very…clear…President Donald…Trump…has completely…and utterly…destroyed…the coronavirus.

ALSO: American Dental Association Says Lying Through Your Teeth Greatly Increases Risk of Covid-19 Infection

Just…watch…this video…of his triumphant…return…to the White House…after leaving…Walter Reed Hospital…after…just…a few days…

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Notice how freely…the president…is…breathing? That is…because…he beat COVID-19…with just his strength…courage…and…the best healthcare…literally anywhere…in the…world. To…the untrained…eye…it might look…like he’s…maybe not breathing…as…well…as…he…could…but that is…FAKE NEWS. He has…pure…American freedom…inflating his…very healthy, very recovered lungs.

Excuse me…I need to…take a bit…of a break…I’m feeling a little…fatigued…and…worn out…but I too…just beat COVID-19 in the…same…WHEW!…time frame as the…president did. So…I am also…breathing…very strongly.

Okay…feeling full of air…again…can…continue…writing…

There are some…who have…like the jerks…they are…wondered out loud…if the president…isn’t quite as recovered as he is pretending…to be…However, if that…were…the case…why would he tweet this morning…about how…not a big deal…coronavirus is? It’s not…like…the president…would lie…to make people less scared…about the virus…his administration…has not responded well to. As one can tell from the tweet, Trump is feeling…just…fine…and the three exclamation…points at the end…prove it.

Have to stop again…be right back…

Okay, feeling good again. Many people who love and…adore…the president…have extended their congratulations to him…for…so completely…beating…COVID-19. Senator…Ted Cruz…who famously…allowed the president…to call his wife ugly…and did absolutely nothing to defend her…tweeted how happy he was to see Trump…return to the…White House.

Senator Lindsey Graham, who also went from…hating…the president when he was challenging…him…for the Republican nomination…in 2016…and called him a racist liar…also made sure the president…could feel Graham’s lips upon his kingly anus.

As great…as I’m…feeling…having…beaten…covid like…Trump…I should…still…rest for just a second…and catch my…breath…

Editor’s Note: At this point in the writing of this article, our author was forced to go back to the hospital with breathing problems. He wanted to pass along the message, however, that he is still feeling “bigly great” and that he, like President Trump, most definitely beat the coronavirus complete, and will have absolutely no lasting side-effects whatsoever.

A Gofundme has been established to pay his medical and/or funeral expenses.

 

MORE: Trump Demands to Know Which Asshole Botched Covid So Bad He Got It

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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