NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Donald Trump Jr. blasted former Vice President Joe Biden’s son Hunter this week during an interview on conservative talk radio, calling the younger Biden a “disgraceful unqualified simpleton” who “wouldn’t have nothing and would be nobody without his daddy’s name.”
“And that’s just sad, man,” Trump Jr. told W-KKK’s Chip Chatterly. “It’s just sad. But it’s not surprising to find out a libtarded son of a Democrat is so lazy, is it? It’s surprising in the slightest to see a Democrat enriching himself thanks to the fact that he happened to be the crotch fruit of some rich, powerful guy, is it?”
Trump Jr. told Chatterly that if he were Hunter Biden he’d “find a small town somewhere,” change his name, and “go into business honestly.” He said it’s “beyond the pale” that Hunter would be so “recklessly nepotistic” and said he has “no respect at all” for him. Trump Jr. says he only respects people who “pull themselves up by their bootstraps.”
“Or at least pull themselves up by the designer bootstraps their daddy bought for them,” Trump Jr. explained, “That I can at least understand. Either find your own bootstraps like The Poors do sometimes, or at the bare minimum pull yourself up by the bootstraps Diddums got from a fancy pants store in Manhattan from one of his culturally elite friends! But Hunter Biden should be ashamed of using his dad’s name to get jobs he’s totally unqualified for.”
Chatterly then asked Don Jr. how his family is doing these days, now a couple months out from his father’s acquittal in his impeachment trial in the Senate.
“Well, we’re all recovering. It was a nightmare, really. A true nightmare of attempted accountability and wanton checking and balancing Diddum’s powers,” Trump Jr. said. “Ivanka seems to be doing well in the government job daddy gave her, and her Pinch Daddy Jared is I think really close to making peace in the Middle East happen. Can you just imagine how corrupt and nepotistic things would be if Crooked Hillary had won, or if Sleepy Joe wins? He wouldn’t even have the first clue which of his family members to give control of government offices and powers.”
Trump Jr. accused Hunter Biden of “improperly and disgustingly using his last name to get opportunities he doesn’t deserve.”
“Maybe if you’re a libtard that doesn’t bother you. But we dyed in the wool con men — excuse me — rugged individualist conservative Republicans hate it,” Trump Jr. said. “It just makes me so angry to think of all the people he cheated out of work because of who his daddy is. It’s so shameful. So very shameful. But these cucks don’t have any shame. They lie, they steal, they cheat. And boy do they know how to project, let me tell you! A bunch of hypocrites! Anything they say other people do, you know they’re guilty of!”
“I agree, Mr. President’s Son,” Chatterly confirmed. “It’s just so gross. What can we do about it?”
Trump Jr. laughed.
“Well, for starters, we can do for our country what we know the Founders wanted us to do,” Trump Jr. explained. “We can establish a family dynasty and pass power from my dad to maybe Ivanka next, or if she’s too busy with her clothing line or just staring blankly and aloofly into a camera while she ignores the racism and hatred Daddy’s spewing, maybe it can be me. But if we just all agree to keep Trumps in power for the rest of our lives, I think we can finally, once and for all, be rid of the kind of horrific, un-American nepotism employed by the Biden family.”
In an unrelated story, the World Irony Supplier in Hoboken, New Jersey announced that its warehouse was almost completely empty.
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.