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Wednesday, December 8, 2021

Trump Jr. Mocks Biden for Not Having a Windmill Cancer Vaccine Approved Yet

A smug Donald Trump, Jr. appeared on OAN this morning with anchor Jack “Rape Melania” Posobiec and mocked President Joe Biden’s administration for not getting a windmill cancer vaccine approved at this point in his presidency. Trump Jr. assailed Biden for focusing more on getting COVID-19 under control than he has on “keeping Americans safe from the scourge of windmills.”

“Oh, that’s great that he’s working so hard to get Americans vaccinated against a real disease, Jack,” Trump Jr. laughed, “But where’s his commitment to fighting non-existent ones, huh? The next thing you know, he’s gonna tell us that more people died of COVID-19 than in Benghazi and that’s what we should all care about more, too! What a damn joke.”

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Trump Jr. mocked Biden for being “elite and out of touch with real Americans.”

“And not in a good way, like President Daddy! He’s not like Joe,” Trump Jr. insisted, “because he’s just as stupid as the people he’s leading! Joe’s just a coastal elite libtard.”

The second smartest person named Donald Trump accused Biden of ignoring what “Americans are really afraid of.”

“Does Joe Biden even have a clue what real, melanin-deficient, seasoning adverse Americans are really afraid of? It’s communism, Joe,” Trump Jr. cackled, “and socialism. And the worst one yet — socialist communism. Then, it’s windmill cancer, Joe!”

Donald Jr then made a very bold claim.

“If President Daddy had won either the election or the insurrection, he’d have already ordered the FDA to distribute the windmill cancer vaccine,” Trump Jr. predicted. “In fact, he’d have also made it illegal to even get cancer! Hell, he’d probably wipe out cancer by ordering all the dictionaries to just take the word ‘cancer’ out. Why has no one every thought of that before? Damn, I’m smart, and it has nothing to do with all the coke I jus did.”

Trump Jr. paused at that point for a moment, breathing quickly, sweat rolling down his forehead.

“But, you, um, haven’t seen my coke by any chance, have you,” Trump Jr. asked Posobiec. “Just, you know, so I know where it is, or whatever?”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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