Saturday, June 12, 2021

Trump Orders ‘Except From Shithole Countries’ Added To Statue of Liberty Poem

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Moments after delivering a speech about Martin Luther King, Jr. this morning, President Donald Trump issued and executive order. The order directs the National Agency of Statue Poems, or NASP, to make modifications to Emma Lazarus’s poem at the base of the Statue of Liberty.

The original text of the poem, which Lazarus wrote to help promote the fundraising drive for the base upon which the statue sits and her poem resides, is below.

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
“Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!” cries she
With silent lips. “Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”
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In Trump’s latest order, he directs the NASP to add “except from shithole countries” to the line that reads, “Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me.” So that the new line would read as follows, below.

Send these, the homeless except from shithole countries, the tempest-tost to me.

This development comes a day after Trump set the Internet abuzz when it was divulged that he referred to countries like Haiti, El Salvador, and several African countires as “shitholes.” Trump later denied the story, via Twitter.

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Lazarus’ poem, entitled The New Colossus, has long stood in the minds of many Americans as a declaration of support for people who see opportunity for a better life in the U.S. During the 19th and 20th centuries, the Statue of Liberty itself was a symbol to immigrants coming to America that they had arrived in a land of equal opportunity. Issuing his order, Trump said it was “time to stop all this melting pot cuckery.”

“Some hoidy-toidy bullshit moron once said we’re all created equal,” Trump said, “but I think that sounds like the talk of losing losers who only know how to lose. Maybe we’re all equal, who knows? I just know what I see, and I see a lot of brown people. And call me crazy, but I was always taught that if you get a stain on your white linens that’s a bad thing, so…you know what I mean, Billy?”

There was no one named Billy in the room with Trump.

The Statue of Liberty extinguished its torch in response to Trump’s order, stating while she did that “there’s no point in even trying to be welcoming anymore.” This story is developing.

You can read satire like this every day on The Political Garbage Chute and The Pastiche Post.

More satire:

President Trump Overheard Practicing National Anthem

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