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Thursday, September 21, 2023

Man Starting to Regret His Vote for Hunter Biden’s Laptop

In November of 2020, 45 year old carpenter Johnathan Jackson cast his vote in the presidential election. He recently told us via Skype that as he cast his ballot, he had “some minor misgivings” about who he was voting for, but that in the nearly two years since, he’s become increasingly alarmed about his choice, and now he’s starting to “feel some deep regret” he wasn’t expecting.

“Look, when they told me to Vote Blue No Matter Who, I knew I had to go into that booth and select Biden, okay? But right before I got into the booth, I had a minor stroke, and when my brain came back online, I couldn’t remember who I was going to vote for,” Jackson told us. “I heard a voice in my head talking about Hunter Biden’s laptop, and something triggered in my brain about voting for Biden, so, well, that’s who I wrote in.”

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According to federal election records, Jackson was one of six people nationwide who voted for Hunter Biden’s laptop. More than 150 million votes in total were cast. Hunter Biden’s father, Joe Biden, received more votes than any other presidential candidate in a single election in the nation’s history.

“At first, I felt embarrassed when I realized I had voted for the laptop. Then, I kind of shrugged it off and figured it couldn’t have been that big a deal,” Jackson relayed to us. “But, then all these stories started coming out about the laptop, and now I’m really worried about my vote.”

As much as he has some unease about his vote two years after he cast it, Jackson admits he’s still unsure “what all the hubbub over the laptop’s content was about.”

“Don’t get me wrong, Republicans are making this laptop seem really damning. It’s just, well, I haven’t seen any stories about what’s on the hard drive that I would even care about,” Jackson said. “Still, I kind of envy the people who voted for Biden and not his son’s laptop, because they probably don’t have to care as much about the laptop one way or the other.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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